I often am asked which is a “man’s lei” and which is a “woman’s lei” to give. Well, just as Hawaiian names are non-gendered, lei are non-gendered. Give the lei that pleases the recipient. Speaking in broad generalities, a lei with pale fragrant flowers (pīkake, white or yellow ginger, gardenia, tuberose) is often selected as a gift for a woman, while a darker, less fragrant lei (cigar flower, maile, tī) is often selected for a man. But these are modern ideas brought in well after WWII. Old photos show both men and women delighting in all types of lei.
The love of beauty is part of the living heart. Male, female, or anywhere in between – we are attracted to beauty.
Once, someone e-mailed me in quite the quandary. He had been told that to show his love, he had to give his sweetheart lei pīkake for Valentine’s Day, and that the number of strands showed how much he cared for her – the more strands, the greater the love! What bunk! By that reasoning, someone who could afford 30 strands loves the girl 30 times as much as some fellow who only has a few dollars in his pocket? Ridiculous.
“No,” I replied. “To show your love, find out what lei she likes best, and then make one for her. Call the florists and find one who will teach you. Also, find out who she is most close to – her Mama? Her Tūtū Lady? Make a lei for that lady, too. When you go to pick her up for your date, give a lei to her makuahine or her tūtū first, then give her the lei you made for her. Be sure you open the car door for her and shut it gently!” I think they are still together.
So, wear and share the lei you love with joy, and share that joy with your beloved!